Once our kids grow into teenagers, family dynamics can change drastically. Suddenly, they appear to want to spend more time with their friends than with us, they want to ‘chill’ in their room for hours on end and getting them to participate in family activities can end up being a battle of wills and emotion! This is a journey I am currently on with my own teenagers and whilst I am proud of their need for independence and happy that they are starting to find their wings, I miss them like crazy!
I have found some things that are helping us still spend quality time together in a different sort of way as they kids get older though. For us it seems to revolve around food! Gathering for family dinners about four times a week provides us with valuable time to connect and engage in meaningful conversations.
As I mentioned in my blog Strengthening Family Bonds: the power of rituals, we chat about the good things that have happened in each other’s day. You could also fit in family meal time at a brunch or lunch on a weekend if your weeks are super busy. I've also observed that planning extended outings together may need to adapt as teens become more independent and pursue their own interests. It is still key to spend 15 to 20 minutes with them each day to keep those bonds and connections strong.
Some other strategies that help us spend time together are:
Heading out for a walk
Reading a magazine together
Going out for a coffee for me and a hot chocolate or smoothie for them
Hanging out in their room and taking interest in whatever they are watching on YouTube - for me it's watching mountain bike videos with my son and make up, travel or shopping videos with my daughter. To be honest, sometimes I am really not interested in these topics at all, but it gives us some common things to chat about and my kids are usually so happy that I have taken the time to notice the things they love
Cooking or baking together is something that brings us together too
Showing up to watch them participate in sports, dance, or skating demonstrates your support and interest in their activities
Ask them about school and find out what subjects they like, what they don’t, what they love and what is frustrating for them
Be a friendly and welcoming parent when your teen’s friends visit, offer them food or a cold drink, say hello and introduce yourself. It’s a privilege if your teen brings their friend home. It shows they feel comfortable with you, don’t find you too embarrassing, and want you involved in their life! Offer to drive them and their friends places too so you can be part of their adventures
Make plans for fun things to do to create connection, put it on the calendar and make it something fun for everyone to enjoy
Keep having routines, a bedtime of 10pm, making sure they have a healthy lunch and breakfast, encouraging exercise or sport, family meal times etc all give your teens the sense they matter, they are cared for and that they have some structure in their lives whilst they are navigating hormones, friendships, exams, school and social pressure
So there you have it - several strategies to strengthen and nurture our connection with our teens. We want our children to turn to us when they are having issues like mental health concerns, academic troubles, relationship or friendship challenges rather than try to fix things on their own so we need to adapt our parenting as our children grow older in order to keep our bonds strong.
Ready to strengthen your family bonds and navigate the teenage years with confidence? Join EmpoweredParent, my personalized parenting coaching program designed to support families through every stage of development. Let's create a roadmap tailored to your family's needs and empower your parenting journey together. Click to email me, Laura Wallace now!
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